First Steps

This blog is about my experience of domestic abuse and the long, convoluted path I took to escape it. I want to share something of what I learned about the complex mechanics of abuse, the brutal impact of abuse, as well as what I learned about myself and how I got there in the first place. I will share some of my experiences of living with an abusive alcoholic partner, the father of my children, as well as the ways in which I have been able to begin a process of recovery from the trauma of living with abuse.

I have a lot to say, and no clear order in which to say it. I plan to write posts as and when I feel ready to focus on particular aspects of abuse and recovery, I want to keep it loose so as not to put too much pressure on myself. As it is I am a full time solo parent, a recently qualified counsellor working on setting up private practice, whilst simultaneously working a job in the education sector. Time is tight! But this is important and I want to share what I have learned for two reasons. Firstly, at times I still cannot believe I endured such a long and torturous relationship with someone I (for many years) considered to be perfect for me. I find that the act of writing brings clarity and a sense of putting things in their place. I long for order and for everything to make sense. I suppose in some ways I feel that writing about it brings a sense  of closure too. Secondly, if I can offer insight to one other person who may be suffering within the maddening torture chamber of an abusive relationship, provide the information to help them to see it for what it is, perhaps help them to discover the will to leave and prioritise their own wellbeing and sanity as they take steps along the road to recovery, then I will be more than satisfied.

Thank you for reading. This is, for me, the first tentative step towards something I have been wanting to do for the last 5 years. I am so excited to begin!